Having coached men in confidence and dating for over a decade, I’ve definitely noticed some patterns in women’s beliefs and behavior in dating that has been note-worthy. Whether it be how they respond to men approaching to say hello, or even just how they think about dating in 2018, when I scanned my brain for quick tips on dating, the following 7 immediately came to mind.
Please note that these are just my opinions, based on what I’ve seen and experienced having been out there, week after week, meeting women. If even just one of these tips can assist the ladies out there to improve their dating situation, I’ll be happy.
So let’s get to it …
1) Attitude is everything
I cannot emphasize this enough – attitude is everything. Your dating will largely be a reflection of how you see the world, yourself and men in general. At the end of the day, having the idea that “All men suck!” really is not going to get you anywhere.
You create your life through your attitude and perspective, and you will always find ‘evidence’ for whatever you’re tuned into. So imprioving negative attitudes around dating will certainly bring about more positive things (and will also influence the type of men that you’re attracting).
2) Look your best
Yep, men are visual creatures. This isn’t as shallow as it seems, it’s just evolutionary biology (the same as women wanting a financial secure man). No you certainly don’t have to be some size 6 blonde model – most men don’t even want that – but looking your best will certainly get more eyes in your direction.
Every woman has beauty that can be accentuated, it’s about owning it. So steer clear of identifying with less than you can be – “That’s just not me” Who you are is malleable, and if you’re not getting what you want, then it might be time to explore something new.
3) Go out
Unless you intend on marrying the postman or Tom from your office, you really do need to venture out. Yes men will come into your life regardless, but why not open more doors by putting yourself out there more? Go for after-work drinks with a friend, go speed dating, join a Meetup group – getting out there once or twice a week sure beats sitting at home watching TV every night.
Try to increase your options so that when you do meet a guy that you really like, you’re not coming off the back of having not been on a date in a year. It is ok to date around. If going on 20 dates means that number 21 is Mr Right, then it’s worth it.
Also, when you’re out, use your eyes. It amazes me how often I see women going “OMG, he’s cute” and then looking away. Women holding eye contact is the #1 cue to a guy that she wants him to talk to her. Now is definitely not the time to be coy.
4) Learn to love yourself
As cliché as this is, learning to love yourself really is key. Yes, I said learn. We live in a fast paced world, full of distractions from knowing our true selves. Most people actually have no idea or appreciation of who they really are. How are you supposed to connect with someone if you don’t even know, or appreciate, yourself?
The relationship that you cultivate with yourself is the most important one of your life, and will dictate who you attract. You need to learn to really like yourself, weaknesses and all.
5) If he is unsure, he likely always will be
If a guy is not sure if he wants to be with you, that will likely not change, regardless of how long you hang on. I’ve seen many of my female friends waste years (yes, years) on guys that were never really that into it.
If you’re with a wishy-washy guy, my advice is to not put all of your eggs into one basket (see what I did there haha). No you don’t have to end things with him, but I strongly suggest that you keep other dating options open. He may even start to see what he is missing out on if you’re not always there.
6) Don’t play games
In this fast-paced world, we’re all busy. Everyone is over the dating games. Yes, it is up to the man to step up and do the pursuing – that’s just how things are (back to that biology) – but it’s also up to women (I believe) to make it somewhat easy for men. Men are not as confident as you may think, so testing him when he approaches you, or making him wait days for a text reply, will not make a quality guy chase you more, he will likely to just move on.
Note that I said a quality guy – the kind of guy that you want to date. A needy guy will likely chase you, but that’s not interest, that’s insecurity. So aim to get to a place where you’re strong enough as you are, without the games.
7) Don’t fall to the party girl progression
Although we don’t talk about it, men really do consider a woman’s ‘potential’ more than you might think. We know that the kinda cute girl would look amazing dolled up, we know that the kinda shy girl will be a little minx once she is comfortable with us, and we also know that the hot party girl will likely not be in a great place in several years time.
As a 37 year old dating coach, I have seen many a beautiful women succumb to the party girl progression. This is not to say to avoid going out and enjoying yourself (hell no), but maybe don’t make it the foundation of your lifestyle. A woman who knows how to look after herself, really is a huge turn-on for most men.