Love

How to be successful finding love in the New Year

Are you tired of being single and want to know how to be successful finding love in the new year? Or maybe you would just settle with finding someone to date?

Time flies and you may have been successful in most areas of your life, yet feel frustrated that you haven’t  succeeded with love!

Friends might tell you not to worry, that love will happen when you least expect it. But as far as I know there is no such thing as Uber Dates (yet)!

To change your results, it is time to stop leaving the most important area of your life to chance.

10 Steps to Find Love in the New Year

1. Clean Slate

Let go of the past! Of what didn’t work and of fear that what happened in the past will happen again. If you have been cheated on, don’t think that the next guy will cheat on you. It is time to stop bringing the past into your future and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Your mindset about love, dating and relationships is crucial. Lose the self-criticism, fear, guilt and regrets. Let go of the fear that you won’t find anyone, or anyone else. Embrace possibility.

2. Be clear about what you want

Clarity is the key! Know what  you want and how  you want to feel in a relationship. This is not about the superficial stuff or being so narrow that you will  only date the 6ft guy earning six figures. It’s about shared values and knowing  your must haves and deal breakers. 

3. Don’t rely on Chemistry

Chemistry is only one factor in a good relationship. You also need shared values and good communication. Making your choice on chemistry alone can have disastrous results as you can have insane chemistry with someone you don’t even like! Chemistry actually  shuts down the part of your brain related to judgement.  This is why it is important to be clear about your must haves and deal breakers.

3. Work on You

Have self-worth. Believing you aren’t good enough is the most common way singles self-sabotage their search for love. If you don’t believe you’re loveable/dateable, why would anyone else?

 ‘We accept the love we think we deserve’.  From The Perks of Being a Wallflower . 

If you want unconditional love from someone, start giving it to yourself first. A positive self-image is the path to healthy love. Check how you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you hold yourself back and why?

4. Be Yourself!

Be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be just to find love. That never works. Stop twisting yourself out of shape like a pretzel to be liked, it’s time to be authentic.

5. Know what you have to offer

Would you date yourself? Instead of looking at what the other person has to offer you, look at what you bring to the table. Ask yourself –‘Would you meet your own requirements?

6. Make a Plan

Instead of leaving love to chance have a plan. Decide what you want and set your goals to achieve it. Include milestones, review what’s working and isn’t and make adjustments. Break down your actions into daily tasks as well as 30, 60 and 90 day chunks. If you fail to plan you plan to fail! Your action plan must include dating, as you won’t meet anyone sitting on your coach.

7. Trust

If you have a plan and you are taking action then trust it will happen. Relax! You need a mix of anticipation, keeping focused on the outcome, with the ability to let it go. Have the anticipation, without getting stuck in negative/impatient thoughts about why love isn’t here. It sounds like a contradiction but isn’t. When you want something too much it can come across as desperate. Whereas, if you have the mix of knowing what you want and knowing it will happen you come across as secure.  If you are holding on too tight it takes the joy/fun out of life and this will come across. When you relaxed/happy, your confidence increases. 

8. Change your daily routine

You will meet new people if you mix up your daily routine and try new things. Oh, and make sure you put away the phone, make small talk and eye contact. Singles are everywhere and you can miss them if you are not in the moment.

9. Relax have fun and enjoy the journey

Stop making dating hard work, loaded with expectation. Remember being a teenager and just hanging out and having fun, go back to that! When you have fun, you give out different energy and it makes you attractive.

10. Get SupportGet the help of a Dating/Relationship Coach.  The right coach will be able to help you move past your baggage, fears and blocks to love.D

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